I'm drive I can fine osifer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My vagina is officially offended.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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