I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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