turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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