She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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