well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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