I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
