it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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