3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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