Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
