Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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