His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
