You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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