New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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