i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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