Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
