im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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