Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We talked him into tasing himself.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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