Soap is not a condiment
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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