I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
