2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you never un-have a 4some
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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