I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
