at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
