Your face is a jimmy john
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
