There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
