I wanna passion pit in your ass
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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