Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
