I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
