oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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