CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
