forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
