i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
