you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
