Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
