dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
