I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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