i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
