ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Vodka?
Forever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
