Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
