Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
