god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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