"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
