He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We left an ass print on the piano.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
