I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
