Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
