Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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