Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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