she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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