textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can you bring me the toilet please
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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