sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
