I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
