Jerry, you need to find god
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
honey bunches of taint.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
